Latest Entries
May 31, 2010 Blonde Jokes
by Eric Capelo
Q. Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A. She couldn\’t figure out who the other mother was.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: \”Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.\”
Q: What do you call a really smart blonde? A: A golden retriever.
Q. What do blonde virgins eat? A. Baby food.
Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde who had a bumper sticker that said, \”ALL BLONDES AREN\’T DUMB?\” A: No one could read it because it was hung upside-down.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or a smart blonde.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer\’s disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet? A: She was last years hide and seek winner.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations.
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes? A: Because blondes would have to think them up.
Q: How does a blonde make instant pudding? A: She places the box in the microwave and looks for the \”instant pudding setting\” button.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called \”How to Hug\”? A: When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.
Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water? A: A blonde trying to put it out.
Q. Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash? A. She got cold and turned off the fan.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee\’
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter.
Q: How did the blond burn her ear? A: The phone rang while she was ironing.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager.
Related Blogs
Recent Entries
May 29, 2010 Blonde Jokes
by Mark Johanson
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.
Q: Why do blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don\’t know the route.
Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Cos sheep can\’t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: What\’s the definition of eternity? A: 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: Sooner or later they\’ll both end up in the gutter.
Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A. To turn the blinker off.
Q: How do you measure their intelligence? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: How can you tell who a blonde\’s boyfriend is? A: He\’s the one with the belt buckle that matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What do you call three blondes in a Volkswagen? A: FARFROMTHINKEN
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver\’s test? A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q. Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet? A. She thought it was diet coke.
Q. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof? A. Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q. Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for hours? A. Because it said \’concentrate\’.
Q. Why do blondes wear earmuffs? A. To avoid the draft.
Q. What is a blonde\’s idea of safe sex? A. A padded dash.
Q. Why did the dumb blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A. So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Related Blogs
I rejoice that America has resisted. Three millions of people, so dead to all the feelings of liberty, as voluntarily to submit to be slaves, would have been fit instruments to make slaves of the rest. - William Pitt, 1st Earl of Chatham
May 27, 2010 Blonde Jokes
by Bob LeBrun
Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs? A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Cos sheep can\’t bring beer from the fridge.
Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q. What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? A. A vacant possession.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A. She\’s trying to hold on to a thought.
Q. What is a blonde\’s idea of safe sex? A. A padded dash.
Q. Why do blondes use white-out on their computer screens? A. They couldn\’t find their eraser.
Q. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A. Run like hell…she\’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don\’t. They\’re born that way.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: Why couldn\’t the blonde write the number eleven? A: She didn\’t know what number came first.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: Why can\’t you tell blondes knock-knock jokes? A: Because they go answer the door.
Q: Why don\’t blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can\’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: To keep from bruising their ears.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a flash light in her ears.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn\’t get Hearing Aides.
Related Blogs
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
May 25, 2010 Blonde Jokes
by Laire Obaka
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond\’s ear? A: Data transfer.
Q: How does a blond know if she\’s on her way home or on her way to work? A: She opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it.
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? A: Knock on the door.
Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes? A: A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.
Q: Why won\’t they hire a blonde pharmacist? A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks \”Where did you get that?\” A: The pig says, \”I won her in a raffle!\”
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter.
Q: What\’s five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC? A: A dumb terminal.
Q: What do UFO\’s and smart blondes have in common? A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: Why can\’t blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air.
Q: Why can\’t the blonde make ice cubes? A: She lost the recipe.
Related Blogs
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? - Stephen Levine
May 20, 2010 Blonde Jokes
by Roger McBridge
Q. Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work? A. In case she had to draw some blood
Q: What does a postcard from a blonde\’s vacation say? A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?
Q: What does a blonde Owl say? A: What, what?
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: A one armed blonde is hanging from a tree. How can you make her fall? A: You wave at her!
Q: What\’s the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Maybe someday we\’ll find Bigfoot.
Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you? A: You\’d pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.
Q. How does a blonde kill a fish? A. She drowns it.
Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one? A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: Why don\’t blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn\’t go to 700 degrees.
Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 bus? A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why don\’t blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don\’t know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don\’t have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof? A. Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
Related Blogs
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. - Darrin Weinberg
May 20, 2010 Blonde Jokes
by Lian Lilly
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don\’t have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why don\’t blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can\’t get the bottle into the typewriter.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced.
Q: How do you make a blonde\’s eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A: \”What\’s a lightbulb?\”
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, \”Daaady!\”
Q: How do you get rid of blondes? A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.
Q: Why did it take the blonde seven days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago? A: She kept seeing signs that read \”stop clean bathroom\”.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: None of them, two don\’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde\’s been using the computer? A: There\’s white-out on the screen.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.
Related Blogs
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. - Edward Shepherd Mead
May 19, 2010 Blonde Jokes
by Lian Lilly
Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it.
Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you make a blonde\’s eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside? A: She grabs a bowl.
Q: How do you get rid of blondes? A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, or a smart blonde.
Q: How do you drown a blond? A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots? A: Flattered.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They\’re too hard to peel.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations.
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW? A: Divorcee
Related Blogs
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Mar 4, 2010 Bar Jokes
So, a horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says … “So … what’s with the long face?”
Related Blogs
Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meanderings, but leads none of us by the same route. - Charles Caleb Colton
Jan 14, 2010 Blonde Jokes
An elderly blonde lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed blonde, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. “I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”
“What do I think?” his blonde mother said. “Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!”
Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Langston Hughes
Dec 21, 2009 Drinking
Next time you are out and get too drunk here is a solution to get you home safe.
Call up and order two pizzas. One to be delivered where you are, and tell him to deliver this one first … and another to deliver to your house, and catch a ride with him.
Full Name: What you call your child when you are angry with him/her.
